Dear Sarah Palin,
Hey girl heeeey! I’m soOoOo excited that you’re running for Vice President of the United States, I’m totally voting for you!
I gotta tell ya girl, it wasn’t easy arriving at my decision. You see, I was leaning towards Barack Obama because I agree with his stance on many important issues, and I was kind of hoping he’d pick Hillary Clinton as his running mate because, again, I agree with the things she wants for our country. But then he chose Joe Biden who, well, just isn’t as good as Hillary in my book. But, nevertheless, I was still leaning toward the Democrats because their views mesh pretty well with mine.
That all changed when John McCain brought you on board. I completely forgot about all my values and opinions…I’m all about GIRL POWER now! I don’t even care that you want to overturn Roe v. Wade and take away a woman’s right to choose… because your shoes are TO DIE FOR! I mean, seriously, who has time to think about boring things like reproductive rights with the season premiere of “Desperate Housewives” just around the corner?
I can’t believe all those mean things the Democrats are saying about you. So your only real political experience has been governing Alaska for two years…big deal! I certainly don’t mind…not when your outfits are that cute! You and I would make a GREAT shopping duo, I can just tell. Just keep me away from Macy’s, I’ll go nuts in there!
I was a little worried at first about your position on gay marriage, because I thought to myself, “Why can’t two people who love each other get married? Does their gender really matter?”… then during your speech at the Republican National Convention, I noticed those ADORABLE glasses! I immediately ignored my better judgment and jumped on the McCain/Palin train…next stop, the White House!
Thank goodness the Republicans nominated you, a woman, as the Vice Presidential candidate! It’s such a relief to toss aside my personal beliefs and blindly follow you and John McCain. I bet you’re already shopping for interior décor for the White House; I can’t wait to see what you do with the Lincoln room! Well darlin’ I’d love to chat all day, but this laundry isn’t going to do itself! Wouldn’t that be nice ; )
You GO girl!
With love,
Every female voter in the United States (according to the GOP)
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
A few observations about the VMAs...
I watched MTV's Video Music Awards tonight, and I have a few casual observations I'd like to share, along with several questions. And because it's 1:00 am and I'm not much for transitions, I'll just give you a numbered list...
1. Who the hell is Russell Brand and why is he famous? I am reasonably in touch with pop culture. I read blogs, I flip through Us Weekly every chance I get, I watch E News. But I have no clue who this creepy, ratty-haired assclown is, nor do I know what he does that makes him popular enough to host an award show in the United States. Great Britain is on my shit list right now, because all they've given us lately is this scary bastard and Amy Winehouse. Speaking of the nearly dead...
2. What was the deal with the audience? Did any of them have a pulse? I realize that none of the performances were worth a shit, and that Russell Brand freaked everyone out with his "Willy Wonka meets Hannibal Lecter" creepiness, but the crowd was so comatose that it was almost unbearable to watch.
3. Britney Spears actually looked good. And sober. Girl's had a rough year, cut her some slack already.
4. I bet Disney shelled out some serious money when they purchased the Jonas Brothers from their parents. Whoever is in charge of marketing these dorky little songbirds deserves a promotion, because they have every 13 year old girl in the country in a frenzy for their merchandise and their sub-par music. They couldn't even leave the Disney studio to perform for the VMAs. That set looked like Sesame Street...I was waiting for Elmo to say "this performance is brought to you by the letter A!"
5. Perez Hilton is not funny. There, I said it. I know I'm in the minority here, but trust me when I say that his website is shit-awful compared to the wildly underrated wwtdd.com.
6. I might just phreak out if I see one more phucking television show pheaturing Michael Phelps. The only time I care to see this gangly nerd on TV is when he's annihilating the competition in the pool. If Saturday Night Live was still funny, I'd be upset that he is hosting it...but his speech impediment and awkward stage presence might actually help that show and its piss poor content.
That's about all I have for now...
1. Who the hell is Russell Brand and why is he famous? I am reasonably in touch with pop culture. I read blogs, I flip through Us Weekly every chance I get, I watch E News. But I have no clue who this creepy, ratty-haired assclown is, nor do I know what he does that makes him popular enough to host an award show in the United States. Great Britain is on my shit list right now, because all they've given us lately is this scary bastard and Amy Winehouse. Speaking of the nearly dead...
2. What was the deal with the audience? Did any of them have a pulse? I realize that none of the performances were worth a shit, and that Russell Brand freaked everyone out with his "Willy Wonka meets Hannibal Lecter" creepiness, but the crowd was so comatose that it was almost unbearable to watch.
3. Britney Spears actually looked good. And sober. Girl's had a rough year, cut her some slack already.
4. I bet Disney shelled out some serious money when they purchased the Jonas Brothers from their parents. Whoever is in charge of marketing these dorky little songbirds deserves a promotion, because they have every 13 year old girl in the country in a frenzy for their merchandise and their sub-par music. They couldn't even leave the Disney studio to perform for the VMAs. That set looked like Sesame Street...I was waiting for Elmo to say "this performance is brought to you by the letter A!"
5. Perez Hilton is not funny. There, I said it. I know I'm in the minority here, but trust me when I say that his website is shit-awful compared to the wildly underrated wwtdd.com.
6. I might just phreak out if I see one more phucking television show pheaturing Michael Phelps. The only time I care to see this gangly nerd on TV is when he's annihilating the competition in the pool. If Saturday Night Live was still funny, I'd be upset that he is hosting it...but his speech impediment and awkward stage presence might actually help that show and its piss poor content.
That's about all I have for now...
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