A few observations about the VMAs...

I watched MTV's Video Music Awards tonight, and I have a few casual observations I'd like to share, along with several questions. And because it's 1:00 am and I'm not much for transitions, I'll just give you a numbered list...

1. Who the hell is Russell Brand and why is he famous? I am reasonably in touch with pop culture. I read blogs, I flip through Us Weekly every chance I get, I watch E News. But I have no clue who this creepy, ratty-haired assclown is, nor do I know what he does that makes him popular enough to host an award show in the United States. Great Britain is on my shit list right now, because all they've given us lately is this scary bastard and Amy Winehouse. Speaking of the nearly dead...

2. What was the deal with the audience? Did any of them have a pulse? I realize that none of the performances were worth a shit, and that Russell Brand freaked everyone out with his "Willy Wonka meets Hannibal Lecter" creepiness, but the crowd was so comatose that it was almost unbearable to watch.

3. Britney Spears actually looked good. And sober. Girl's had a rough year, cut her some slack already.

4. I bet Disney shelled out some serious money when they purchased the Jonas Brothers from their parents. Whoever is in charge of marketing these dorky little songbirds deserves a promotion, because they have every 13 year old girl in the country in a frenzy for their merchandise and their sub-par music. They couldn't even leave the Disney studio to perform for the VMAs. That set looked like Sesame Street...I was waiting for Elmo to say "this performance is brought to you by the letter A!"

5. Perez Hilton is not funny. There, I said it. I know I'm in the minority here, but trust me when I say that his website is shit-awful compared to the wildly underrated wwtdd.com.

6. I might just phreak out if I see one more phucking television show pheaturing Michael Phelps. The only time I care to see this gangly nerd on TV is when he's annihilating the competition in the pool. If Saturday Night Live was still funny, I'd be upset that he is hosting it...but his speech impediment and awkward stage presence might actually help that show and its piss poor content.

That's about all I have for now...