Dear New Moms of Facebook,
Congratulations on your new baby! He is absolutely adorable! You and your family must be so proud of the new addition, that's so great!
It was really considerate of you to post pictures of the little guy, especially the ones taken mere seconds after his birth. I really enjoyed casually scrolling down my home page while I ate breakfast only to come across pictures of your brand new baby covered in a layer of yellow film and blood. What an angel!
The umbilical cord is much more fascinating in real life than in the movies... I'm so glad you included fourteen graphic photos of it in your album! It's definitely one of those things that should be shared among family, close friends, co-workers, and any of your nine hundred friends on a social networking website. What's inside those lumps on the cord? Is it partially digested food mixed with bile? Could you post a 'note' about it when you get a chance... we're all dying to know!
Facebook really is wonderful, isn't it? Without Facebook, we wouldn't accidentally learn what a C-section looks like, or how far apart your contractions were for the eighteen hours leading up to your delivery. Thanks, Mark Zuckerberg! Anyway, I won't keep you for too long; according to your latest status update and mobile picture upload, your veiny unattractive breasts are engorged with milk and it's time to feed the little one! Yay!
Be sure to keep all of us posted on your baby's feeding schedule, frequency of bowel movements, and the rest of life's little moments that make being a new mom so special.
Thanks again moms!
Sarah
1 comment:
Who the heck are your friends??!??
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